#HappyBdayPM: 13 things Modi can gift the nation on his birthday

From bans on meat to bans on porn, it seems the ban-dwagon is out of control. It's getting to the point where we'll have to shift the nation's capital down south because nothing is more representative of the country than Ban-galore.

If we're smart enough to elect you (go home, sickulars), perhaps we're smart enough to decide what's for dinner.

Promises are like crying babies in theatres, they should be carried out at once. Clearly you made some great promises - after all, they got you elected. Right now though it seems the only way for you to pull them off is with the frequent flyer miles you have accrued.

From OROP to black money to no more farmer suicides, you've made good promises, make good on them before you make new ones.

We all have that one uncle who stands up drunk at family events and says something inappropriate. Well, you don't, but that's because alcohol is banned in Gujarat. But if you don't have them in your family, you certainly do in your 'parivar'.

Sure, they might not actually be drunk, but we're not sure if that makes their rants better or worse. Some of them sound like they belong in the looney bin, so, as a gift to both yourself and the nation, bin the loonies.

You won. Like a year ago. I know something as big as winning the Lok Sabha election takes a while to sink in, but it's been a year. Get off the campaign trail. The decrease in your carbon footprint will do more for your green PM image than anything the environment ministry can achieve.

Yes, we know we weren't happy with the last PM being a silent one, but this is no solution. Govern the country and let local leaders earn their keep for a change.

You don't need to wear a skull cap even though with your love for ethnic hats, we are sure you would pull it off like a boss. All we ask is that you crack down on the communal rhetoric that spews forth from your party's fringe elements.

We get that you are all about development, but it would be more believable if you took some action for once.

[twittable]Dear Mr PM, ban the ban please. Let's start treating people as adults who know what's right for them[/twittable]

Your NDA combine netted 337 seats, yet somehow we have ended up with Smriti Irani in charge of education. Don't take her role upon yourself either because you have many talents, but if she's who you appointed then your human resource development skills aren't very good.

The smarter your ministers, the less time you'll spend putting out the fires they start and everybody wins!

Since you have come to power, India has had more firsts than ever - but they are mostly from the Mahabharata. We are the first ones who think it would be awesome if we had inter-stellar aircraft in ancient India, but that's probably not the case. We'd love to have been the inventors of stem-cell technology, just not the ghee-based version.

Yes, our philosophers and sages were brilliant, but instead of just being proud of our past, can we not build a future to be proud of, too?

Can we stop trying to change the narrative of history? Even if Aurangzeb was a Mughal and, therefore an invader, does that change the fact that he was an integral part of the history of our country? Also, this business of renaming roads, memorials and now even stamps is helping no one.

We are just throwing away money on new signboards and doing more harm to present-day India than Aurangzeb possibly ever did.

At this point, everyone in the country knows you. You know what everyone doesn't know, though? What it feels like to have a full belly or education.

Cutting down on social sector schemes for Dalits, women, children and others isn't the way to go - cutting down on your ad spend is. A healthy, educated, empowered nation is a better legacy than any branding exercise can achieve.

Yes, hippies are annoying. But sometimes they are necessary. The work done by Greenpeace and other NGOs that are now at the receiving end of your designer shoes is invaluable.

Development doesn't necessarily mean destruction. Stop the witch hunt against NGOs and let's redefine what we mean by development.

Section 377 has to go. The gay community should be free to not just be openly gay but to suffer the institution of marriage like the rest of us. Ask Apple's CEO Tim Cook when you meet him, he will tell you how iPhone sales haven't suffered since a gay man took over the company.

Stop fiddling around with religious holidays: last year it was Christmas, this year it's Eid. Let's not ruin holidays. If anything, we would all like more of them.

In fact, let this day next year be a holiday; sure, the sickulars will complain at first, but everyone loves holidays.

Open a quality Gujarati restaurant in Delhi. The city is yet to have a good dine-out place for lovers of dhokla, thepla, fafra and khakra. Please get some of your industrialist friends to spare some money and open a Gujarati restaurant in Delhi.

Happy Birthday. Have an Achha Din.