"OMG this is so gay!"
If that's the line you're starting your Pride Parade with, please turn around, walk a few paces, and politely disappear.
Believe us, we didn't make this up. That line was uttered by a super excited woman who had clearly shown up for touristy reasons.
Though the Delhi Queer Pride Parade 2016 was delightfully inclusive and flamboyantly queer, the straight people in their plainclothes and wide-eyed inquisitiveness managed to stand out. And not always in a good way.
And that's mostly due to the really awkward, ignorant things some of them said.
We'll try and explain whatever isn't obvious. Though most of it should be.
1. "Who is Tara, bro?"
Tara, bro, was the transwoman who died due to burn injuries in Chennai just a few weeks ago. She was allegedly humiliated by cops after which she immolated herself.
To show up in queer solidarity as an ally, enough to go super-literal with some people painting the word "ally" on their faces, the least straight people could do is read up. The parcha is free for all, bro.
2. "370 Bharat chhodo"
So Section 377 IPC criminalises same-sex unions. Article 370 of the Indian Constitution provides J&K autonomy.
You might as well be chanting Aazadi for Kashmir at this point. Might make more sense.
3. "You think this is crazy? Have you seen Kiss of Love?!"
Firstly, this isn't a competition. Secondly, we're not kissing for your benefit. Thirdly, you're mixing up a parade and a protest.
The only thing that should be straight about you are your priorities. And you just failed.
4. "Oh shit, look at his skirt. It's so short!"
This, uttered by a woman. Um, when was the last time you were comfortable when someone pointed and made a comment about your outfit?
Oh, did we hear you mumble "never"? That's right.
5. "Look at them dance, man. So cool! I also want a gay best friend."
Yes, because gay men are soft, cuddly toys you can buy from Hamley's? Hear yourself, human.
6. "Dude, she's so pretty. I didn't realise she's trans."
Oh, just go home. Shoo.
7. "Why Queer Pride? It should be Gay Pride no?"
Yeah, because the rest of us queer people shouldn't matter just because some straight people think so? Please read up. Here: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Queer
8. "I'm here because..." to every interviewer on the street.
Okay, so you're an ally. Thank you for being a nice person. But please don't expect us to applaud you for common sense.
9. "You're a journalist? You're also bi? But you're working? How?"
While conversing with people like you, I'm not sure how myself.
10. "Could it BE more gay than this?"
Yes. The moment you leave, it would.