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Why people get turned off when a person show too much interest

News Agencies | Updated on: 25 September 2017, 16:57 IST

You get a great feeling when you get to know a guy or a girl, there's excitable flirting, but then the person gets too keen.

The person tries to message you every time or suggest hanging out two nights in a row. But then you recoil, suddenly, inexplicably, totally you are not into them anymore.

If you often get turned off when someone is too into you, it probably comes down to your issues with intimacy, reports The Independent.

When someone is keen, it's a sign that the relationship has potential to progress.

Jesse Kahn, LCSW, the director and supervisor of The Gender & Sexuality Therapy Collective in New York, said, "And when a relationship becomes more intimate, it becomes more vulnerable, and [people] can become more easily hurt."

So when you pull away, you're just protecting yourself from the possibility of being hurt.

Kahn noted, "In fact, some people can find safety in being rejected, because it's more normal for them."

But that's not the only reason being too keen can be a turn-off.

You don't want to date someone who is so needy and has so little going on in their life that they cling to you.

It shows maturity when someone is independent, and being too keen can be interpreted as being needy.

According to Kahn, you might be able to work out why you bolt from a relationship when someone starts showing interest simply by looking back at past ones and trying to work out why you reacted like you did.

Kahn explained, "Think about what your examples of intimacy and love were in past partnerships and in your family life."

Try not to freak out when someone likes five of your Instagram photos, texts you three times in a row and posts a selfie on Facebook with you.

Because at the end of the day, it's probably not them, it's you.


First published: 25 September 2017, 16:57 IST