Game of Thrones is inching towards its season finale, and till now season 6 has hardly given us much to remember it by. But GoT history stands witness that the ninth episode is usually when the seven hells break loose.
The Battle of the Bastards is scheduled to air on Father's Day - 19 June - on foreign shores, because irony is beautiful. While expecting an 'in memoriam' video montage of Ned Stark and Roose Bolton would be expecting HBO to do an Ekta Kapoor, so what we can expect however is a mush-free, bloody, twisted battle between Westeros' most famous bastard sons - Jon and Ramsay.
Before we proceed further, here's a recap of everything that has happened this season:
- Bran the Useless is the new Three Eyed Raven. Sweet Hodor is dead, so is the faithful Summer and the legendary Children of the Forest. Oh and the once-lost Uncle Benjen is back as everyone's favourite undead character.
- After a bit of soul-searching, the 400+ years old Melisandre brings Jon Snow back to life. In the meantime, the Umbers betray House Stark - kill Shaggydog, and hand over Rickon and Osha to the Bolton bastard. Osha promptly dies next.
- Myrcella's dead, so is Doran Martell and the Sand Snakes take over Dorne.
- Daenerys was taken to Vaes Dothrak from where she escapes after burning Dosh Khaleen and all the men inside alive. She may not have the ships yet, but she has a huge Dothraki army for sure.
- Samwell Tarly took a waste of a trip back home and then left to do what Jon had originally asked him to do back in Season 5 - go to the Citadel and become a maester.
- Theon and Yara are racing towards Dany, with their uncle Euron in hot pursuit.
- Arya is done with the worst internship programme ever designed in human history and is coming back to Westeros. The entire Braavosi chapter seemed like such a waste though. She could have learned how to fight from the Hound, right? Not sure what she learned at the House of Black and White.
- Gendry is hopefully still alive and rowing away.
Why Jon Snow Won't Die. Again.
This leads us to the Battle of the Bastards and what we think might happen:
Something strange is afoot with Ser Davos Seaworth. What's he doing in front of a burning pile of wood at a battlefield? According to some theories, it is the pyre where Shireen was burned alive, but would 'that' fire still be burning? Highly unlikely.
Moreover, Ser Davos turns at the sound of a horn - one blast means rangers on the Wall - have the Night's Watch joined Jon's watch? That horn could also mean the end of truce between Ramsay and Jon. AND it could also mean approaching troops - friendly because of the pre-warning. Are the Knights of the Vale in Winterfell to help the Starks?
So many questions. What we do not expect however is Jon Snow's death. Again. Snow's tells Melisandre not to bring him back if he dies on the battlefield but think about it: would they really kill Snow again after all that hype his death and subsequent return caused?
If they do, HBO and I are breaking up for good.
We hear Sansa and Jon arguing as the battle draws near - he has taken on White Walkers he says, he can take on Ramsay. Sansa the Wetblanket shoots him down with ' you don't know him'. Way to build someone's confidence Sansa. Who did you take tips from? Cercei?
Sansa secretly sent a raven in the previous episode asking for 'someone' for help and most GoT nerds believe that the letter was for Little Finger and the Vale for help.
Now there are two possibilities here:
Sansa either makes a secret pact with Little Finger to rule north alone by betrayal and getting her wildling-loving half-brother Jon killed after winning the battle. Once Winterfell is hers, Sansa could reveal the truth about Little Finger to the Vale's knights - making her the sole ruler of the Wolves.
OR Sansa could pretend to betray Jon, but after winning the war with the Vale's support, betray Little Finger instead. Hopefully Sansa isn't diabolic or stupid enough to do the former.
Who wins the Battle of the Bastards?
And now for the most important question of all: will we see Ned's bastard running Winterfell with Sansa, or will Ramsay the psychopath win the battle? Common sense would bet on Ramsay - he has a larger army, thanks to the bannermen he stole from the Starks, has zero ethics and is downright evil.
But this is a TV show and that outcome would hardly make sense - so Jon will win but the victory will come at a price - either a death or a massive twist. Or both.
Aaaaargh. The wait. And now our watch has begun. See you all on Monday.
Edited by Abha Srivastava