Dear Mr Modi, rename Pakistan, black money & inflation. Problem solved

With all the war-rhetoric in the background, giving Pakistan a befitting reply for the Uri attack appears to be the need of the hour. Instead of threatening a vast amount of the country's resources with the prospect of war, won't it be a better idea to simply rename Pakistan in all government records and communication? They could change its name to Prime Minister Narendra Modi's home ground, Ahmedabad. Oh, but Ahmedabad is upset with the BJP right now. Rename it Bhopal. Or Raipur. This way, Pakistan will become a part of Indian territory and that too, one which has been under BJP's grasp for a long time. Then, the government could say in the next elections that it silenced Pakistan forever by annexing it.

Inflation is a stubborn challenge for the Modi government. Wholesale inflation just hit a two-year high and even at the retail level, consumers continue to feel the pinch. Don't even get the last person in the queue started on this, because he/she has been unable to secure two square meals for a long time now. But a good idea at this juncture could be to just rename inflation as some kind of a tax. It is any case a hidden tax.

Let's just make it entirely disappear. Given Modi government's priorities, it could be called Cow Protection Tax. This might even make some last persons in the queue console themselves by saying that they are sleeping hungry to keep the gau mata safe.

This solution could also be applied to another stubborn problem before the Modi government, the lack of progress in creation of jobs. Just rename unemployment as 'Rashtra Seva' and tell young people that jobs are not being made available for them so that they could spend some valuable time towards serving the country. They could do so by enlisting for vigilante cow-protection outfits, to begin with.

This is another electoral promise that the party is finding hard to fulfill, so much so that BJP chief Amit Shah had to admit that the promise of bringing back black money from Swiss banks abroad was just a gimmick. Before the 'Rs 15 lakh in every bank account' gimmick comes back to haunt the BJP again, the government should rename black money as Foreign Direct Investment. It in any case keeps claiming that FDI is trickling in like never before. The renaming will enable it to easily say that black money is coming back to India and the problem is being solved.

Road Transport and Highways Minister Nitin Gadkari recently admitted that Modi's electoral promise of "Achhe din" had got stuck in the party's throat like a piece of bone. For poor Gadkari's sake, if not for the last person in the queue, the government should issue a notification, replacing the term 'achche din' with 'BJP ke din' or BJP's days. This way, whenever any minister or BJP leader is asked about them, they could promptly reply that they arrived long back, in May 2014.

However, most obsessions are eventually destructive, so the BJP will have to continuously guard against being sucked into misfortune. In renaming public entities and imitating the Congress in imprinting its leaders name, the BJP will have to be conscious to stop before it names itself after the Congress.

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