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Dear Mr Modi, rename Pakistan, black money & inflation. Problem solved

Charu Kartikeya | Updated on: 21 September 2016, 19:47 IST

The BJP wants to become the Congress. It wants a "Congress-mukt Bharat". It wants to be in power all over the country just like the Congress was till the 1970s. It wants to gradually control all levers that are used to run the country, just like the Congress did. It even wants roads, buildings and every public entity in the country to be named after its own leaders, just like the Congress did.

Over a year after the New Delhi Municipal Corporation renamed the city\'s Aurangzeb Road after former President APJ Abdul Kalam, BJP\'s obsession with renaming has surfaced once again. On 21 September, the Union government changed the name of the erstwhile headquarters of the Environment Ministry in the capital\'s CGO Complex from Paryavaran Bhavan to Pandit Deendayal Antyodaya Bhavan.

The exercise is, obviously, a tribute to Pandit Deendayal Upadhyaya, former leader of the Bharatiya Jana Sangh, the formative avatar of the BJP. Urban Development Minister Venkaiah Naidu even spelled it out very clearly, saying that this was Upadhyaya\'s birth centenary year and it was "only appropriate that an important building in the national capital is named after him". Only appropriate. Of course. The minister has always been impeccable in his articulation.

Since this is the Jan Sangh leader\'s centenary year, one can expect many such exercises this year. BJP MP from New Delhi, Meenakashi Lekhi, has already started the next campaign - to rename the capital\'s iconic Race Course Road after Upadhyaya. Lekhi recently wrote to NDMC Chairman Naresh Kumar, telling him that the name does not match \'Indian culture\' and suggesting that it be changed to "Ekatma Marg", after Upadhyaya\'s maxim of \'Integral Humanism\'. This name, Lekhi feels, will keep reminding all prime ministers of the last person in the queue.

Considering that the last person in contemporary India's queue isn't doing so well, BJP would like to believe that the party's biggest effort in making a difference to his/her life would be the renaming of a road. The road has now be renamed Lok Kalyan Marg.

Considering the party's obsession with renaming and the otherwise little progress on some of the most pressing challenges of governance, the BJP might like to consider a revolutionary idea. Why not simply rename those problems? This will make them go away instantly and the party will appear to be an invincible conquistador. Lets take a look at some of the ways in which this could be done -

01
Pakistan

With all the war-rhetoric in the background, giving Pakistan a befitting reply for the Uri attack appears to be the need of the hour. Instead of threatening a vast amount of the country's resources with the prospect of war, won't it be a better idea to simply rename Pakistan in all government records and communication? They could change its name to Prime Minister Narendra Modi's home ground, Ahmedabad. Oh, but Ahmedabad is upset with the BJP right now. Rename it Bhopal. Or Raipur. This way, Pakistan will become a part of Indian territory and that too, one which has been under BJP's grasp for a long time. Then, the government could say in the next elections that it silenced Pakistan forever by annexing it.

02
Inflation

Inflation is a stubborn challenge for the Modi government. Wholesale inflation just hit a two-year high and even at the retail level, consumers continue to feel the pinch. Don't even get the last person in the queue started on this, because he/she has been unable to secure two square meals for a long time now. But a good idea at this juncture could be to just rename inflation as some kind of a tax. It is any case a hidden tax.

Let's just make it entirely disappear. Given Modi government's priorities, it could be called Cow Protection Tax. This might even make some last persons in the queue console themselves by saying that they are sleeping hungry to keep the gau mata safe.

03
Unemployment

This solution could also be applied to another stubborn problem before the Modi government, the lack of progress in creation of jobs. Just rename unemployment as 'Rashtra Seva' and tell young people that jobs are not being made available for them so that they could spend some valuable time towards serving the country. They could do so by enlisting for vigilante cow-protection outfits, to begin with.

04
Black money

This is another electoral promise that the party is finding hard to fulfill, so much so that BJP chief Amit Shah had to admit that the promise of bringing back black money from Swiss banks abroad was just a gimmick. Before the 'Rs 15 lakh in every bank account' gimmick comes back to haunt the BJP again, the government should rename black money as Foreign Direct Investment. It in any case keeps claiming that FDI is trickling in like never before. The renaming will enable it to easily say that black money is coming back to India and the problem is being solved.

05
Achhe Din

Road Transport and Highways Minister Nitin Gadkari recently admitted that Modi's electoral promise of "Achhe din" had got stuck in the party's throat like a piece of bone. For poor Gadkari's sake, if not for the last person in the queue, the government should issue a notification, replacing the term 'achche din' with 'BJP ke din' or BJP's days. This way, whenever any minister or BJP leader is asked about them, they could promptly reply that they arrived long back, in May 2014.

However, most obsessions are eventually destructive, so the BJP will have to continuously guard against being sucked into misfortune. In renaming public entities and imitating the Congress in imprinting its leaders name, the BJP will have to be conscious to stop before it names itself after the Congress.

Also Read:

Gujarat's birthday gift to Narendra Modi: arrest of Dalit, Patidar activists

Uri attack: Why Narendra Modi is afraid to take the Opposition along

First published: 21 September 2016, 19:47 IST
 
Charu Kartikeya @CharuKeya

Assistant Editor at Catch, Charu enjoys covering politics and uncovering politicians. Of nine years in journalism, he spent six happily covering Parliament and parliamentarians at Lok Sabha TV and the other three as news anchor at Doordarshan News. A Royal Enfield enthusiast, he dreams of having enough time to roar away towards Ladakh, but for the moment the only miles he's covering are the 20-km stretch between home and work.

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