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How to see if you are too picky while dating?

News Agencies | Updated on: 25 July 2017, 18:49 IST

Whether you are a dark-haired, supermodel or a rich guy/girl; being picky in a relationship can make things tricky for you.

According to The Independent, people cannot expect to date a supermodel if you are not even taking care of yourself properly.

Dating expert James Preece shared, "Dating is a two way thing. It's OK to rule people out but why would Mr. or Miss Right be interested in dating you in the first place? You can't expect to date a supermodel if you aren't even taking care of yourself properly."

Dating specialist Jo Barnett agreed what Preece said and added, "When someone starts their list with a description of how they want their partner to look, I know they are being too picky. If a guy has to be a certain height or dress in a certain way, have a specific job etc."

This kind of mentality will just lead to a string of unsuccessful first dates.

"Picky people will have a checklist of all the things they want in a partner and if they don't tick every box they give up," explained Preece.

Unsurprisingly, if you want to build a successful relationship, you have to start looking for more than pretty faces.

"The biggest issue is that what people say they want and what they really need rarely align. A happy relationship is one that's built on shared values and interests as much as physical attraction. Chemistry can grow if you are willing to give it a chance," shared Preece.

Continuing, "Part of the problem is that we are overloaded by choice. It's so easy to load up a dating app or online dating site to get a date in minutes. So people don't bother putting the effort in when they do meet them. They know there is someone else waiting if it doesn't work out so why bother? It's a vicious circle that happens when you are basing someone on their photo rather than a personality."

Preece also mentions about the stakes of people's expectations being exacerbated by celebrities, social media and an endless slew of rom coms, which he calls the 'Disney Syndrome'.

Preece noted, "Some women are brought up to believe that one day they will be swept off their feet by a gorgeous prince. They'll live happily ever after... which is of course completely unrealistic. If they don't get out and put the work in with relationships then they just aren't going to last."

Joanne agreed what Preece said and further elaborated by saying, "We are surrounded by celebrities and athletes who have perfect bodies and train all day long, so when it comes to choosing a partner, if they don't have a six pack or long lean legs we think that we must be settling. The truth is that we have lost touch with reality."

That's not to say that being picky is the same as having high standards, points out Madeleine Mason, dating psychologist and director of dating expert company PassionSmiths.

"High standards refer to upholding principles of good manners and dating etiquette, reflecting respect, honour and authenticity to oneself and others and expecting the same behaviour in return. Being picky, on the other hand, refers to a position of choosing or rejecting based on a narrow set of value or attributes. Not everyone is picky, just the ones who deep down are afraid to open up," continued Joanne.


First published: 25 July 2017, 18:49 IST