From kittens to honeymoons: 5 weird ISIS recruitment tactics

In the article titled "Contemplate the Creation", Thagri narrates how the kitten approached him, at first wondering "whether or not I was an aggressive or compassionate soul" and then quickly jumped on his lap and smiled for the camera. Because, you see, executioners and rapists are inherently good people if little kitties think so.

The idea is to sell the ISIS dream. The picture screams, "Come, be a jihadi. It's not all torture and death."

Also read - Iranian Instagram 'Hulk' Sajad Gharibi all set to smash ISIS to pieces

In a sea of violent images and videos, a man and his kitten, set against the backdrop of a beautiful sunset makes for far more pleasant viewing. And that's precisely what they need: to tell potential recruits that it's not just blood and gore, there's also a life beyond it.

And that's a disturbing trend.

While the Dabiq article is a positively bizarre advertisement for ISIS, it's hardly their first attempt at ludicrous re-branding. The terror group has been desperately attempting to lure would-be-jihadis like the witch in Hansel and Gretel. Except, they've scaled up from candy.

ISIS Olympics

Think Rio is problematic with Brazil reeling from Zika? Then we have something even more absurd for you. In a bizarre attempt to showcase life in the dust bowl wasteland ISIS occupies as normal, they staged the Jihad Olympics.

While it lacks the grandeur of Rio - these guys barely went beyond tug of war and musical chairs - it definitely is a lot more unique in its format, what with gun toting militants running to grab a seat and competing for candy.

Also read - ISIS just hosted the first Jihad Olympics and it was a blast!

ISIS organise their very own Jihad Olympics - complete with tug-of-war and musical chairshttps://t.co/o3RcqVNcQG pic.twitter.com/CYvfbYyYGs

— Daily Mail Online (@MailOnline) July 10, 2016

Which self-respecting ISIS admirer wouldn't drop everything to go play tug-of-war? It is a war of sorts, after all.

ISIS hotel

Yeah, that's right. ISIS has its own luxury hotel in Mosul called Ninawa International Hotel.

Guests are welcome to enjoy its manicured gardens, clean pools and the wrath of the management. The ISIS' female police force, the al-Khansaa brigade, patrol the hotel to ensure patrons follow Sharia law.

If they do, they'll have a wonderful time in ambient surroundings. If not, they could be amputated or beheaded. Depends on the day, really.

Fav puns on ISIS luxury hotel in my FB thread: "It's always Sunni in Mosul", "Hotel Caliphornia", "Holy Way Inn", "The Shariaton"

— Kareem Shaheen (@kshaheen) May 6, 2015

ISIS honeymoon package

A hotel stay doesn't cut it? ISIS is willing to offer a full honeymoon package to female ISIS recruits who get into the system by becoming jihadi brides.

Of course, the honeymooning is limited to the 'Caliphate'. The tour starts from Syria's Raqqa and ends in Iraq's Anbar. That's a two-country tour for the nominal fee of signing away the rest of your life. And if you survive the honeymoon, you know that marriage can weather anything.

Also read - Bizarre Jihad recruitment video: come for the wildlife, stay for the afterlife!

ISIS music

ISIS believes in going international. Not just in terms of the journalists and civilians it captures, but also with their recruitment process. ISIS diversifies faster than most media outlets and in more languages than a babelfish showing off.

True to their attempts to be inclusive, the terror outfit made a four-minute song in Mandarin for their Chinese sympathisers.

The lines go, "We are Mujahid, our shameless enemy panics before us/Our dream is to die fighting on this battlefield."

The song, to those who don't know Mandarin, sounds like a well sung, beautiful hymn.

With pets, games, music and even its own luxury hotel, its almost like ISIS is trying to create its own reality. Just one question though, who would be dumb enough to fall for this stuff? Oh right, anyone who thinks life would be better living in the violent and backward world of ISIS.