Damn you Pretty Little Liars. Why won't you just end already?
Seven seasons in and I'm exhausted. Pretty Little Liars been running around in circles forever, and even though I've been at the edge of a breaking point I haven't been able to abandon it for some inexplicable reason.
But still, after each episode I dramatically stare up from my television mimicking Pretty Little Liars's soap opera cast; bemused at how I have wasted yet another hour of my life.
Which is why I beseech you, Marlene King and ABC Family, to put an end to this show. Grace me with the opportunity to accomplish real life chores and responsibilities during the hour I now dedicate to your snail-pace teen drama.
And by that, I realistically mean to dedicate toward another series.
After the first two episodes, I was hooked to the teen mystery drama. The show is based on a series of young-adult novels that centre around a group of popular girls - Hanna, Aria, Emily and Spencer. Their best friend, Ali, goes mysteriously missing and that's what sets of the creepy story
Soon enough, all of them start receiving text messages from someone called A - Is it Ali? Is she actually alive? - who appears to be monitoring each and every one of them. And their secrets.
"Who is A? What the hell is happening?" we all asked ourselves, fearing for these young women.
But two episodes into the seventh season and we're still looking for 'A'. Well, that's "Uber A" now or simply "AD".
Writers, just tell us who A is and why he/she has so many cronies hellbent on destroying these women. Tell us what's going on with the creepy dolls. Tell us who killed Cece, who's supposedly the 'A' that was intended from the beginning. Tell us Aria and Ezra are going to be together forever. That Caleb and Hanna will be a thing again.
Most importantly, tell us where Hanna buys her stellar clothes. And then release us.
when will pretty little liars end i am so tired— lacie (@FAIEREY) June 10, 2016
If you're wondering what the reasons behind my angst for this show are, it's simply this: the creators do an exceptional job of distracting you from the potholes with the aesthetically pleasing cast - but the plot trudges through mud. What's more, there are glaring timeline anomalies across the board.
And it's not even about the Liars anymore, or the simultaneously liberating and hellish experience of being an attractive young woman in this world, but about how many secret members of the DiLaurentis family we can fit on a family tree.
But it was the Season 5 finale that really jammed that nail into the coffin. It was embarrassing to watch. There's not getting around just how dumb that "big reveal" was.
And no, just saying they were in Radley is not an explanation.
Colour me 50 shades of disappointed.
Note to the writers: please stop introducing bad guys and instead work on a plausible explanation for why so many people want to dedicate their time, money and lives to torturing these girls.
The invention of new suspects and new mysteries is your biggest problem. I could buy that Charlotte had been planned for a while, but now what? A copycat bully of sorts?
As it is, the storylines involving 'A' suspects were often pointless and always lead to a dead end. Too many bad guys and truly not enough motive has been the mantra of this show for a while.
In fact, when Ezra was teased as Big A in season four, fans spent the entire mid-season break pouring over quotes, gifs and quotes all proving he was evil.
Search "X is A" for any character, and you'll see that's the case. The writers perhaps should be applauded here for having laid their mystery out this way - clues had been strewn about the place with such abandon that it was plausible for anyone to be shady.
Now you see me, now you don't
One of the groups of viewers who have loyally stuck with Pretty Little Liars for the last six years are the mystery buffs. Like Lost before it, the show has built up a reputation for not giving its audience enough answers.
But it no longer feels like a show with anything important to say, or any agenda other than to maintain ratings for another year.
Sure, it's fashionable. Sure, it's about friendship. It's had a lot going for it: they've addressed problems faced by the gay community, bullying and dealing with stalkers.
But it's well past done.
Much to my disappointment, my wish isn't likely to come true. The show is far too successful for the network to give it up that easily.
What I said was "This Uber A story that starts on January 12 will end when season 7 ends." I did not say PLL will end. Just sayin 4 real.— I. Marlene King (@imarleneking) December 23, 2015
Plus now there's a new murder - one the Liars themselves have committed, so we're in for at least one more season of this swivel.
I know I have the power to end this torture for myself by watching just about anything else. But after years of spending time with the Liars, I'm weak. I need to see this through till the end, and then feel half satisfied and half mad at myself.
And now there's going to be a movie? Hell no.