International Men's Day: Dear women, you have no idea how hard it is being a man
(This piece is 100% sarcasm. The only part that should be taken seriously is that there is actually an International Men's Day to remember the 'struggles' of the most historically privileged demographic that has ever lived.)
Today was International Men's Day and, I must say, it couldn't have come fast enough. Once upon a time, being a man was easy work. Not anymore. Today we, as a gender, have been pushed to the fringes, oppressed and exploited. A day of appreciation is the least we deserve.
Just think about it, when was the last time you saw a man get something he didn't truly deserve and work towards? Just look at the American elections - a shrewd, successful, intelligent family man had his name dragged through the muck by a woman whose only real qualification was 30 years in politics. Disgusting.
A proud, handsome man was shamed for unabashedly male qualities like misogyny, arrogance, aggression and entitlement. Thankfully, despite the media's best efforts to preserve the prevailing global matriarchy, Donald Trump won.
His win let all of us men know that no longer must we restrict our masculinity to killing hookers on GTA. Now, finally, billions of men around the world know that they can proudly be themselves and still be successful.
A man's birthright
A day like International Men's Day will only further that self-confidence, something that is increasingly rare in today's world where women constantly make us feel inadequate.
So what if I can't make you orgasm? Sex is meant to be about love, not just pleasure. Typical women - complain about entitlement while being entitled.
It's hard being a man these days.
There's the gender pay gap - a cheap ploy by the feminist lobby to demonise us. Sure, we earn more. But we're a sensitive lot and the guilt that comes with this is enough to make the money so much less appealing than it should be.
There's also the retail therapy necessary to assuage this guilt, so, in reality, is there even a gender pay gap? Nope. Just undeserved guilt. On top of that, we even gave to pay for dates, so, technically, we're doomed.